Cultivating Chaos

 They say being in the middle of the forest means you’re too far in to turn back, but you can’t see the clearing ahead yet. That is a poetic way of saying I finally spoke some incredibly harsh truths after five years of low contact, and now I’m sitting in the quiet aftermath wondering why doing the right thing feels like getting hit by a truck. It turns out that when you finally stop absorbing the damage and point out the reality of the situation, the system doesn't exactly rally to support you. Who knew? Healing is a blast, folks. Highly recommend. It currently looks less like a peaceful meditation retreat and more like a mix of profound relief, lingering anger, and clarity of where I stand.   And if I'm being completely honest, I'm pretty scared. It's that fear when you realize you’re out on a limb by yourself. I’m terrified of the silence, I’m terrified of the blowback, and I’m terrified of what it actually means to build a life where I’m not the designated scapegoat...